Let's Have a Talk. Have a Seat.

Have a seat. We're going to have a little talk. I often don't talk about my personal life when it comes to other people. Once in a while i'll put a blurb about work, or myself, but generally it's about broad topics that I hope are interesting to read. But I think this topic needs a little explanation.

I'll start with the simple stuff. Good news, I met a girl! Her name is Ginny. She's great girl that I've known a few weeks now and I'm really excited about her. Now don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of dating since I've been single. I've met cool people, had a lot of fun, but nothing serious.

So how about I tell you some things about her. She's 24, she lives in Chicago. She has good music taste, she has some awesome tattoos, enjoys pizza and burgers, is a sci-fi nerd, a cute puppy, and a great husband. Yes, you read that right. My girlfriend is married. I'll let you all catch your breath.

Since many people reading this may be in shock, let me explain. Her and her husband are in a polyamorous relationship. They realize they are able to love more than just one person in their lives. This allows her and I to date as any new couple dating would.

So you're wondering what the place of her husband is in all of this. Think of it this way. People have other people in their lives no matter who they are. Weather it's friends, or family, or roommates.. it doesn't matter. Every person in someone's life gives and takes a little bit. If Ginny wasn't married maybe she'd have a roommate. A roommate who she was close to, went out to dinner with, hung out with, and generally spent time with. They could be really close and even share love for each other, male or female. This is how I see her and her husband. They're two people who love each other, share a life and a home together, yet know that even though time may not be unlimited, feelings are. They have room for other people in their lives if someone happens to fit.

What do I think about all of this? Only good things. Patrick, Ginny's husband, is a great guy. We have a lot in common and we get along really well. He's even a musician and I hope him and I can get together and jam sometime soon. I think him and I can be really good friends and I look forward to it. This is no different than if Ginny lived with a roommate who I had common interests with and the three of us all hung out. It's just a really neat arrangement all around. They love each other, yet her and I have the excitement of a new relationship that any monogamous couple could never have, and I get a pre-screened friend on top of it all.

The drawbacks? Like I alluded to earlier, time. Time isn't unlimited. So scheduling is key. When is Ginny where? She's busy as it is, but she's more than willing to make time for me. In fact she's excited at the thought of seeing me and shares that feeling with Pat. In return Pat is happy for her because she's happy and excited and gets that special tingly feeling in her stomach that a long standing relationship doesn't really have.

Is everything all perfect? Absolutely not. Before meeting Ginny I would have told you that the idea is crazy, so I completely understand any questions you may have in your mind. Now in just a short time I've seen how a complex situation with multiple people can become a natural yet exciting way to integrate with a person (people). It's really not as crazy as you might think.

When talking to friends I've been told I'm "helping her commit adultery", or "if she's married she's not your girlfriend", or "she's just using you until she's bored". So anything negative I've probably heard already. Open your mind and realize there's more ways to live your life than what you see every day. None are better or worse. But different can be good.

If you're at all interested feel free to do some research via the following links.

Polyamory on Wikipedia What, like two girlfriends? alt.poly faq

Lastly, here's me with a bunch of CAT5.


Gabe Kangas

Jun 19, 2008