By COHBERT TOM
The Associated Mess
Thursday, August 14, 2003; 8:55 PM
TORONTO – Canadian officials blamed a massive blackout Thursday across
the Northeast and parts of Canada on YEA!, but George Hopkins denied
it.
“We have been informed that YEA! Official George Hopkins plugged in a
new experimental snare drum amplifier in New Jersey, and then some guy
played a rim shot, right before all hell broke loose” said Munson
Chan, a guy who once had his photo taken with Canadian Prime Minister
Jean Chretien.
Dan Acheson of Drum Corps International said he was sure where the
power failure originated.
“We have not experienced a lighting strike at DCI headquarters,” he
said. “It was George. He turned the knob on the new experimental snare
amp to 11. Tom Aungst came by and hit the thing. LOUDEST thing I ever heard.
Then poof! It went dark. Everywhere. All George could say was ‘uh-oh’ before
he ran off into the darkness, with Tom close behind him.”
U.S. officials said they were looking at amplification of the loudest
rim shot in the history of drum corps as the most likely cause of the
biggest outage in U.S. history, said a spokeswoman for New York Gov.
George Pakastani. There was no sign of George Hopkins, Tom Aungst or G
horns, officials in New York and Washington agreed.
In Toronto, streetcars preparing to transport workers around downtown
for the evening rush hour ground to a halt, sending riders into the
street to hail taxi cabs. Some people ended up directing traffic on
their own.
Wearing suits and ties, the drum majors of the Hawthorne Caballeros
and Syracuse Brigadiers teamed up to wave vehicles through one busy
intersection. “We’ve been doing this for about 11 minutes because it’s
really fun,” he said. “We call it our Crunchy Frog impression.”
“The streetcar can’t go anywhere, you just have to wait,” said Bill
Collins, a baritone player with the River City Regiment.
Diane Grover, spokeswoman for the Canadian defense department, said
Canada “considers this an act of war in the Niagara region on the U.S.
side of the border. It has caused a cascading power outage affecting
9,300 square miles,” she said. “We are considering launching fighter
jets against the YEA! headquarters in New Jersey. We aren’t gonna
drop bombs on them or anything, but maybe fly a couple of jet really
close to George’s office to scare him.”
Grover said the power company, Ontario Hydro, was in the process of
separating itself from the American power grid in order to restore
electricity to its customers. An official at the Ontario power company
agreed, saying the problem originated in the YEA! snare amp.
The cause of the massive power outage that originated from the New York
area has possibly been linked to a post-season drum corps rehearsal at the
Meadowlands. We were able to catch up with a frantic George Hopkins, executive
director of YEA! at the scene.
“Basically what we were trying to do was run a
rehearsal with our new amplification system. I knew there were a lot of
unhappy folks about groups in my activity using amps and electronics,
but I can’t imagine the backlash we’ll face now if we were responsible.”
The Cadets, who David Letterman once referred to as “the most honored drum
corps in the world” were running a rehearsal of next year’s show
entitled “We Want To Be Blast!” at Giants Stadium when the power went
out.
“This is a huge inconvenience to my kids,” Hopkins stated
as the group rushed to get $850,000 of electronics equipment into all
ten of their equipment trucks. “I think what show sponsors need to
consider in the future is a better power grid. How can we expect to
compete with no power? It’s obvious the world isn’t ready for our form
of entertainment yet.”
Mr. Hopkins further stated that this power outage may be the result of an
internet extremeist group opposed to the betterment of the marching activity
and music education.
“Amps and electronics are for the better of music education. If we were not
responsible for this power outage then they obvously were.”
We contacted Scott Stewart, “archenemy” and former director of the Madison Scouts for further comment on the situation.
“I think with what Mr. Hopkins charges these kids to march in his bands,
he should be able to afford to pay the city’s electric bill,” Mr. Stewart said in
between huge fits of laughter.
Similar rehearsals, which were scheduled in the Chicago area and in Concord, CA
have been postponed pending the results and length of time for the power to be brought up.
“I just hope things don’t get this bad when we go to woodwinds,” Mr. Hopkins said as they left the parking lot.
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