This is the first holiday season I've ever spent completely alone.
I'm not a big fan of Christmas time to begin with. I hate shopping. I hate trying to figure out what people want. I'm bad it, and I buy people complete crap. At least with Dragon Woman she'd help me shop for people, and people would end getting stuff they actually liked. I'd be forced to have even a little bit of holiday spirit, but this year I don't have any of that. No tree, no lights. No gifts waiting to be given. They're all just stuck in the trunk of my car. There's not one piece of holiday spirit anywhere in my apartment, and I really don't care to change that.
It's a time of year I don't enjoy, and I'm spending it alone.. and it sucks. All of the things I have to do, I'm doing it alone... and it sucks. Nobody to ask questions. Nobody to go with me to keep me company. When I go up to visit my family this weekend i'll be there alone. Nobody to comfort me and nobody to be next to in order for things to feel like they'll be ok. When they're off talking about whatever it is they're interested in, i'll be alone and wanting to leave.
Now don't think i'm being all down and depressed, I'm not. I am, however, just plain sad. Nothing all that great has been happening lately. I've been living paycheck to paycheck thanks to my required payments to the ex, so adding the gift shopping sure doesn't help things at all.
Sorry to be such a downer. But seriously, if Jesus is the reason for the season, and I don't believe in Jesus.. wtf am I doing?
Gonna go start on my annual year in review post now. I've done it every year for the past 4yrs or so, so I can't flake on it now.